Greener grasses

The previous entry lists the insanity of my travels this past year. Exciting, sure, and definitely something I was looking forward to during those long, hard, lonely months of thesis writing, when I had my own little place in one of the most beautiful and good-livin towns in this continent. Back then, I was so ready to go - so ready to be out and about adventuring and not feeling locked in a miopic literature and a tiny studio, inside a bubble of a town. Now, well, I see - without any surprise - that in several moments of these wanderings I found myself longing for that studio, for that bubble, for that familiarity of home-ness. Not that I would gladly move back there, for what I had there is no longer, and what is there now is, it seems to me, a hazy brush that will smear itself away in the near future. And that is ok. In fact, that is more than ok, that is necessary, that is life rolling along.

I see the lush, green, plains of a future for me in the horizon. There is still a great traverse along the way, many months of preparation for what is to come. Months during which I must focus on a rest that I know I will not have in that quiet place further on, a rest that I will long for then, from the freedom I have now, even if this freedom feels, at times, like the freedom of a man falling the longest shaft into the bowels of the earth. I know it will be over in the blink of an eye, like the dreams of falling that end as soon as the eyes open up, and the same will happen to this liberty and liber-litigiousness of youth that I swim through now.

The fact the future is always on my mind is not necessarily a bad thing, a grass-is-greener story where I am not content where I am at. In fact, it is, for me, the recognition that "where I am at" is a movement, not a place, a movement towards something, somewhere, someone? It need not be a move-to-arrive, but it must be a movement, it need not be a move-to-find but a finding that continues unfolding, not a move-to-someone but - and here is what I want - a movement with someone, a dance, a stroll hand in hand towards this continuity of life.

And you know what is good about green grasses?

To roll down its hills

To picnic on its warmth

To fly frisbees over it

To play barefoot on its softness

To feel overwhelmed with awe at all the colors and shapes and life that are the green grasses

So, there is nothing wrong with searching on for greener grasses

That does not mean I am not already barefoot, rolling and picnic-ing!

;)